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Death By Michael’s

I am deep in a shame spiral right now. A shame spiral, true, trimmed with felt, glittered pumpkins, ersatz tree boughs — in fall colors — foam stickers, and decorative stones. But a shame spiral...

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Framed

This afternoon — late — I tried to call Michael’s to cancel my order. I decided I would, after all, rather have a new dishwasher than a beautiful but badly framed picture for our living room wall....

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Rack to the Future

I was standing in the kitchen this morning loading my dishwasher when it came to me. Like a bolt of lightning. A visitation from cherubim. An Annunciation. “You have the oldest working dishwasher in...

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Lest of the -Est

I should mention here what I neglected to say yesterday — when, as is so often the case, I was interrupted by my waking child before I could properly finish my post: I truly, adamantly believe that,...

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Oh Broth, Where Art thou?

I sometimes feel, where preschool is concerned, that we are paying more for an idea than a reality. Because between the holidays, illnesses, and trips out of town, we seem to be never there. Except on...

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Stop Payment

Yesterday morning, bright and early, I got a ticket for rolling through a stop sign. It was totally legit–the ticket, I mean. Although my actions were also, in my opinion, completely justifiable. My...

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Portrait of an Immaculate Appliance

I admit it–I went a little crazy. Yesterday, after stumbling upon the New York Times’ article about hidden bacteria in the kitchen, I got massively freaked out. My fridge hasn’t been deep cleaned since...

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Write You Are

There’s a wonderful article about writing in this week’s New Yorker. It’s by John McPhee–a man whose essays usually throw me into a frenzy of irritation. But this one won my admiration. It was...

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Here Comes The Bridling

I’ve set myself one task for today. One idiotically simple task. I told myself the entire day would be a success if only I got it done. And why wouldn’t I? It’s relatively easy. It requires no real...

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This is Forty-Five

I’ve been feeling less than my usual self lately. I’m attributing it to a mid-life crisis–I took a quiz online and answered “yes” to eight out of ten questions. I’m not having an affair, of course. But...

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Soapy Opera

Among the stats I’m made privy to here on WordPress, my favorite is the list of search terms that, on any given day, lead to clicks on this blog. It’s always interesting. There are a lot of...

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Whoops, in a Vacuum

Is this a job for a repair shop or the genius bar? Sometimes I feel like God does things to me just so to provide material for this blog. I should be grateful. But this time I think He’s gone too far....

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Beach of Contract

I return to you sheepishly—the world’s worst travel blogger. It’s a designation I’m not proud of. I don’t know what happened—last year I wrote faithfully every day of my trip. This year? I didn’t want...

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Calendar Fail

“This will change everything,” I thought, as I put the calendars on the register belt.  ”We’ll put one up where we see it every day, and I’ll update it regularly. Mike’ll use it, too–he loves...

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Here Kitty

Today’s a big day. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. Or perhaps I should say mice. Because, after long last, it’s kitten day. The day we pick up our young, grey adoptee, Wally, from a local rescue....

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Soap Opera

Dishwasher soap should look totally different from the regular, hand washing kind. If it did, I wouldn’t have accidentally poured the latter into my Gaffers & Sattler a couple of nights ago. Poor...

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(Sis)turmeric Love

Little sisters. Such copycats. Abigail, whom you may remember from her infamous chicken foot stew, has now jumped on the turmeric bandwagon. And, as usual, one-upped me–by mixing her turmeric into a...

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Potty Deux

I had to deal with some pretty intense “share shame” after writing my two last posts. My husband’s acerbic comment, made after reading the first one, didn’t help: “Jesus. You’re either going to gain a...

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She Sells Sea Kelp

Bag of old kelp, going cheap! The back story: It’s March, 2011, and I’m in in a panic over the Fukishima nuclear disaster. Convinced that vast waves of radiation are about to hit Southern California...

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Pressing a Point

So I did get Mike to sit down and watch a “Grace and Frankie” episode with me. Two, actually. And technically speaking he lay down. You see, Mike has a bad back right now. Excruciating. He gets these...

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